“Ha Ha I’m stronger than you,”

says my eating disorder to the girl at work constantly talking about diets, exercise, weight and weight loss.

I’m fed up after months and months and months and months of it. 

And while I’m sure as hell not relapsing just to spite her, it doesn’t stop my eating disorder from feeling proud that it can beat her at weight loss and pain and self-destruction.

But deep down, within my healthy mind, I know that this doesn’t make me stronger than anyone. I only become weaker for giving in to the eating disorder. 

I don’t win at all. I lose.. so much.. and already have.