Dear Dad, Part I: where my loyalty lies

In this series of letters you may find some of the answers that you’ve been seeking throughout the existence of my life. It’s too late for our relationship, but know that I do still care enough to want you to change for yourself, for the sake of the other relationships in your life, and for the sake of the other people who happen to coincide with you in your life. I don’t want to see you lonely or suffering, but I can’t be a part of your life anymore either.  For some reason, you lack the capacity to see what you’re doing and the extent of damage that follows in your trail. I don’t know.. maybe you do see it but choose not to care. Well, I have spent the majority of my life trying to change aspects of myself and my life to minimise the pain that you cause me, but I finally give up. I don’t give up because you’re not worth it, but because apparently I’m not worth it to you; not worth it enough for you to try to change you and your ways. Because of this, you continue to hurt me over and over again without second thought, apology or redemption. So for the sake of myself, I am making the decision to cut you out of my life for good. From now on my loyalty lies with me, not you. This problem is no longer mine, but yours.

I will love you, always,
Withering Tulip

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7 Comments on “Dear Dad, Part I: where my loyalty lies”

  1. artyelf says:

    This is really good.
    Even though it must be hard to break these ties,
    Your responsibility has to be with you first, you are the most important person in that relationship, in any.
    Doing anything else would be perpetuating abuse.
    I send you strength and hugs. Elyn ♡

    • I’m not actually in the process of breaking ties, per se. Unfortunately I don’t have the resources to be able to.. as in, I partly rely on the financial support of my family at this moment (which isn’t very ideal in terms of breaking cycles/avoiding triggers, but I don’t have many other options) until I’m capable to work full-time and support myself again, which I’m slowly building myself up to. So I guess in a way, these letters are part of that building-self-up-to [work as well as breaking ties] process but aren’t actually currently, literally happening.

      Thank you for your strength and support. I also send some back to you xo

      • artyelf says:

        Every small step, every positive thought, they’re all leading in a good direction.
        You’re laying the groundwork, the rest will happen when it’s the right time for you.
        If we rush, sometimes we fall.
        I think you’re standing tall!

  2. I love this times a million.

  3. I think this could be really healing. It’s a fantastic idea, and I’m glad you give me inspiration with your struggle. Know that it’s not unnoticed and that it’s not in vain.

    • Yeah, either very healing.. or very risky… I’m not sure which one. It feels so uncharacteristic of me to write like this, I almost don’t know where it came from when I re-read it. Anyway, I’m not sure when I’ll be okay enough to write anymore, or if I even like what came about because of it (even at it’s vaguest of nature in content).

      Thanks for your comment. It’s such a huge compliment to hear somebody say that I could possibly be inspiring, especially from someone who inspires me in so many ways herself 🙂

      Hope you’re well. Take care xo


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