My swiss cheese trust

“No, it’s not unusual that there are so many gaps. But usually, with time, these gaps become filled. What is unusual is that as time continues to pass, your incapability to fill in those gaps is revealed. What do you make of that?”

I think it’s hard for me fill in the gaps. It’s hard for me to fill them in for me, but especially for you. I think I’ve spent my entire life barricading the perimeters of these gaps just so they can never be filled. Not to be filled by me, and especially not by you. I think it keeps me apart from myself and from others – far, far apart – and I think that suits me well because I don’t know trust.


6 Comments on “My swiss cheese trust”

  1. trust is a tough thing for those of us who have been so abused.

  2. boulimique says:

    “But that’s all a way of avoiding those moments when nothing is happening, because those blank spaces give me a feeling of absolute emptiness, in which not a single crumb of love exists. […] I’ve realized that those empty spaces were starting to get filled up. They were transformed into pauses — the moment when the man lifts his hands from the drum before bringing it down again to strike it hard.” (“The Witch of Portobello)

    I relate. Oh, how I relate. I used to liken myself to a hollow tree because I felt like I was filled with such gaps and emptiness.

    Maybe you can find a way to transform your gaps into pauses.
    I hope you do. Being empty is the worst feeling one can have. You’re in my thoughts.


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