who are you kidding?

i don’t know. no one?

obviuosly them but certainly not me
you will choke.. you will choke.. you will choke..
and then they will see
that you are nothing
but a dreadful mistake that they have made for which they will pay.

i’m sorry.


Dear Dad, Part III: I love you, I hate you

Fuck you, I hate you.

No! I’m so sorry. I don’t mean that. I love you and thank you.

Wait… for fucking what? Absolutely nothing.

Goddamnit! I don’t know what I’m trying to say to you. I guess you’ve fucked me up real good.

With love and hate,
Withering Tulip


Living is easy with your eyes closed

Him: how’d it go?

Me: Not good.

Him: Why? What makes you say that?

Me: I got really nervous and at times went blank.

Him: Why? You shouldn’t. They’re just people.

 

Ha! Yeah, no worries. It’s as simple as that and life is a breeze. Thanks for understanding O.o


tschhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Hello?
No.
Hello.
I said no.

And then the silence.
And then the fighting alone, so suddenly.

Hello?
tschhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

There’s no wisdom in static.

Please, come back.
tschhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

 

 


“Because you finally understand the movement of a hand waving you goodbye.”

I’m so terrified of being alone when I’m alone
And then I’m so terrified of being loved when I’m loved.
I’m always needing exactly what isn’t,
Scared of what I do have and scared of what I don’t have precisely the same amount.

Sometimes I panic that I’m never going to find the connections that I feel I need to have with people in my life. And I’m human so I do need them. It’s not that no one is around because they are. It’s not that there isn’t opportunity to connect with them because there is.

It’s that I don’t.

And that’s not because I don’t want to because I do. It’s because I’m scared; scared of the connection within the connecting.

So, people do
but I don’t,
and so the process is like watching sand slip through my fingertips over and over again.

I have it…
I had it…
It’s gone.

Then scared of the loneliness within the aloneness, it repeats like a song stuck on replay.


My Paradoxical Logic

I’m always needing to obsess about one thing just to keep my mind idle.