“Because you finally understand the movement of a hand waving you goodbye.”

I’m so terrified of being alone when I’m alone
And then I’m so terrified of being loved when I’m loved.
I’m always needing exactly what isn’t,
Scared of what I do have and scared of what I don’t have precisely the same amount.

Sometimes I panic that I’m never going to find the connections that I feel I need to have with people in my life. And I’m human so I do need them. It’s not that no one is around because they are. It’s not that there isn’t opportunity to connect with them because there is.

It’s that I don’t.

And that’s not because I don’t want to because I do.Β It’s because I’m scared; scared of the connection within the connecting.

So, people do
but I don’t,
and so the process is like watching sand slip through my fingertips over and over again.

I have it…
I had it…
It’s gone.

Then scared of the loneliness within the aloneness, it repeats like a song stuck on replay.

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9 Comments on ““Because you finally understand the movement of a hand waving you goodbye.””

  1. Nataly says:

    I understand this all too well… xo.

  2. dontsayes says:

    I know the feeling, if only there was a median between the two.

  3. Bourbon says:

    Yes, like above, I know this very well. The only people I’m safe connected with is you all online xx

  4. Were you in my brain?? You wrote exactly what I feel…wow!


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